wAt lIfE cAn bE whEn yOU arE In lOvE, Angry, hAppy

2006-03-10T07:27:00.000-08:00

From now on....this will be my NS blog
Day 0
Tmr will be NS. Hahhaha........im nt excited. But im gtting emotional nowadays. Dunno wat to expect. Really pray that everything will be fine, and trust God....:)

2006-02-28T05:18:00.000-08:00

Well im leaving all to God for tmr......for Jesus personally said that with faith as small as a mustard seed, you can command the mountain to throw itself into the sea and it will do so. :):):)

2005-12-08T06:14:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i juz feel i fall short of my own standards as a fren.......as one who shows love. Im never able to dere for pple who need me all the time, sth tt is impossible for anyone to do but tt did nt stop me from feeling sub-standard. I muz admit tt nt only was i nt able to be dere for everyone, but when trouble comes to others, i chose to shun them. Why am i so selfish? What exactly am i tinking? As such......i nvr expect anyone to come forward when me is in need myself. Am i a coward? Am i so fearful of trouble? Perhaps i am.......perhaps my fear of trouble kept me from being dere. I am one who is so useless......one who observe when frens fall. In times of peace, i promise help.....yet never was it delivered from me.......a shame of myself.....

2005-11-13T03:33:00.000-08:00

- Thank God that maths was okie.....haha........deductable so far is 2marks.
- Computing paper was alittle uncertain though......made a couple of mistakes in it and i knew it already.
- GP was ummhh.........i tink my results will be very unpredictable.......

Ya that's all.....decided to drop by while waiting for dinner......there's physics tmr........lol......quick 23rd Nov quick come........

2005-11-06T08:18:00.000-08:00

Im going back........to where i wish i hadnt gone to.......to look at those whom i've left all that mess with........it's complicated.......but this time im solving it........clearing all those mess.......

No, im nt gonna hide. Hiding dint solve my probs. Hiding aggravate its intensity........

determined

2005-11-02T07:59:00.000-08:00

Reading chobits..........im very appalled by the author's ability to tackle the abstract definitions of human emotions with the most basic terminology.

Sometimes.......making things complicated doesnt help........rite? Staying simple solves the problem. Yeah, sometimes i feel i analysed things too much. Wat good cld haf come out of a deep analysis over anything. Yesh, i admit i've done that many times in my blog, and it's productive. But nth good came out of the conclusions, nth puts the smile on my face. Sometimes staying simple and looking at things at the surface is wat brings joy. That's bcos.........some things in this world are not to be analysed at all, they are things that look rosy on the surface and are supposed to be judged from the surface. Go through deep thinking, searching for the truth.....would only lead to self-torture.......... fustration, pain and finally disappointment.

2005-10-26T09:08:00.000-07:00

Tuesday - Slack at home the whole day, nt exactly lah......went to make my personal bank acct. So cool rite......haha nt exactly, im nt used to having bank acct. Any idea how to make use of it?
Den evening, went gym wif ben liang. Oh we were so fascinated wif the motor-boat machine (that's wat i can best described that machine) that we actually set lyk 1km lor........and after tt my arm cld barely be lifted man.......but quite fun lah, nxt time trying for 2km.

Today - Another boring day. Went to sch for physics consultation. Went dere n realise no physics tchrs r available.......so i slacked dere, nt exactly......did a GP paper, chat wif meix......yep

2005-10-24T08:37:00.000-07:00

Change myself.........
Change it.......
I wanna be that changed person.........
Change me in my mind, in my heart.........
Im never gonna be the same again.......
Im never gonna cry over wat i used to ever......
Im never gonna react to wat i used to......
Im never gonna respond to words that i used to......
Im never gonna feel it, not ever again.........
So dun come and expect the same person......
For wat u c is a whole new face, someone u juz knew,
someone u may or may not like, but definitely someone.....
u dun noe.........

2005-10-15T08:28:00.000-07:00

A song in the hills,
A raindrop in desert,
A rose among the thorns,
A flower in the winter,
A gale in the sea,
A homestead in the woods,
A candle in the dark,
A shelter in the storm,
A glitter in the dull,
A helping hand in trouble,
A smile in anguish,
A companion in loneliness

2005-10-14T09:04:00.000-07:00

My lungs feel so itchy tt i cant stop coughing........sos!!!

2005-10-12T07:51:00.000-07:00

I graduated officially 2dae......

Sure memories will remain in my mind.........dere's juz so many regrets throughout jc life.......as usual wat happened in sec sch life.........

Juz cant gather up my thoughts now, oh btw my claz went sakae sushi 2dae......cool rite? I dint stayed long so i gobbled lyk nobody's business in the start. Okie den i left, well i wasnt in the the mood for that in the first place..........reason being im emotional guy. Feel that sth is different from this graduation than others...........

2005-10-07T01:23:00.000-07:00

Goodbyez.......pal.......a really good goodbye!

2005-10-05T08:46:00.000-07:00

Nth much to blog......juz tt im very confused and of cos in a dilemma again........

2005-09-30T08:47:00.000-07:00

Rain poured.........

I paced through the lonely path, with the sound of thunder echoing in my mind. It was the familiar sound, the rain drop making it own rhythm in a perfect harmonious beat. I couldnt be more right of the emptiness that surrounds me, the air nvr seem as stale despite the rain. Mudpools ushered me towards the exit and that seemed unreachable. Yes, i chose to walk the road all by myself- a follow-up decision i made, a road that seemed too costly to head back. The refreshing raindrops splatter increasingly harder on my face, as if whispering to me of the intensity of the storm. No, not only that, they rain seemed to be my companion, covering wat cld otherwise haf been tears from my eyes. It is a decision i made, yet dere is no freedom of choice. There is nothing else........that i could do......

*above is wat i was tinking while walking home 2dae*

2005-09-28T08:10:00.000-07:00

:):):):):):):):):):):):)

2005-09-26T06:45:00.000-07:00

Wat den is good performance? I realised that i was never ever totally happy after getting back the results of any exams. Sometimes i dun noe wat i want at all......nor do i comprehend the complexity of my heart's desire. Wat can one say? That i am an unsatisfied person? You may call me that.......somehow each time as i feel a draw nearer to the goal deep in my heart.......wat turn out and wat i wld realise as a fact is that i am so near yet so far.......always missing the mark by inches......and that's sometimes only. At other times.......wat turn out was rather different from wat i expected. Are dreams, goals n visions but a illusion, a deception? It let me to this thought. You see.......tink back on ur own life dear readers........cite an example that indicates complete achievement of goal, that things turn out exactly wat u had in ur goals, ur dreams? Stunned urself that u cant gif me a reply? That provides a strong evidence of aims as nth but a daydream. Of cos, i can gif a whole lot of accounts on incidents where i miss the mark.......by inches. Such numerous occurence and an observed common outcome.......and the process towards the outcome suggest that setting a goal is putting urself through one round in the cycle of hardwork, reaping the harvest for evaluation and getting disappointed at the end of the day. Wadeva it is........it cld be vicious.......meaning u juz cant gif up........leading u to another round, yet another, one more and so on.........neevrtheless, once u go into it........dere is no chance of gtting out most of the time. Simply based on the hypothesis that no one ever reaches his or her own goal. In any case, it's time for me to go thru' it once more...........no choice.......wiping the tears off my eyes right now.

2005-09-25T06:46:00.000-07:00

Saturday was quite fun.....met up wif old pals from 1st 3mnths......went to watch the myth......great show. Though some disappointments.......overall still okie lah.......quite enjoyed mnyself.......grins* ;)

Argh.......the horrid days are back.......normal sch days! Lack of sleep days and stuffs......but it's the last few weeks liao.....really wanna treasure the frens in sch alot alot. Wun gt to c them for long anymore lolz. Oh ya.......i tink prelim results shld be ready anytime soon.........arggghhh X 2.

2005-09-20T07:27:00.000-07:00

Try writing on a piece of paper........ur own dreams........wat u aim to achieve 20 years down the road. Fold the paper. Seal it in an envelope.......seal the envelope in a safe box and lock it wif a password u will rmb always.

Unlock the safe, tear open the envelope carefully, unfold..................

wat u haf regretted

2005-09-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

Im paying for mistakes.........tt i hvnt commited.......ya i was toking to pj on MSN.....n i dint realise this big fustration, im paying too much for wat others haf did.

I admit it........i am in a very arrogant claz........so stereotyping occurs......tt pple from my claz r very arrogant.....im the victim of all these.........You noe nowadays i juz dun lyk to dwell on studies in conversations for long.......it really frightens me......tt anything i've may be misintepreted as arrogance.........im so scared tilll i haf an arrogant-phobia issue here......sometimes i lose sense of the line between arrogance n mere toking.......in the midst of fearing it........i dun comprehend the price i've paid.....and wat i've done.

Haiz.....shake off these thoughts.......yeah.....looking forward to a gathering wif some of my 1st 3mnths fren on saturday......haha

2005-09-16T05:49:00.000-07:00

Haha......i dint noe someone really horny n desperate wants to be me so much till he persists to pay a little visit to my blog regularly to tag of his horniness........oh btw......i hvnt greeted "hi" to you yet........forgive me for my poor politeness.....yea?

Haha Fmaths 2dae was really tough.......the toughest paper i sat for so far for prelims......

Well.......getting better these few days........thanx to all who keeps me occupied at nite.......really appreciate it............

2005-09-12T09:10:00.000-07:00

I decided to blog......

Sbm is really encouraging at least for wat she had said........after wat she said in her sms abt nt trying too hard........it's nth particular abt studies.......she noes wat she's toking abt, i noe wat she's toking too......

For the prelims.......trusting God and nth else.......

:):):):):):):):):):):):)

2005-09-02T05:19:00.000-07:00

People 2dae i wanna tell u that im determined to get over it all........I WILL SURVIVE.........Im nvr gonna be brought down by wat happened.......no, though im very affected by it frankly, nth's gonna affect hy life. I move on wif all I have, Godbrings me thru my darkest moments, those lonely moments that i hafta endure thru' those painful moments.......yesh.....He will bring me thru'. And nt forgetting pple who r reading my blog and feels for me.........im nvr gonna let u people down. I'm gonna survive.....and survive well(is dere a survive wif flying colours?).........Im nt gonna let those buddies of mine........be disappointed........i shall be so very strong.........im gonna wake up.....and nth's gonna change me......yes........nt this thing.........and readers......u r free to be my witness and my supporter 2dae........i shall nt blog........until the day that i can confidently announe that i haf survived and i haf recovered totally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-08-31T07:21:00.000-07:00

I never imagined.........i nvr tot of it........I dint predict nor forsee such outcome.

Everything juz seems so black-n-white 2dae........i juz cant c colour out of anything. Dun find anything that's very interesting going back to PHS........nth seems to interest me..........really nothing seems to catch my attention for long. I paid $134 for the KL trip, dun seem to be looking forward to it either, juz went ahead the payment cos i dunno y i said yes last time. Juz nt in the mood to study oso........suddenly thee seems to be no interest in the doing papers that r ez......am i losing it all?

2005-08-30T08:49:00.000-07:00

Watched chocolate factory with some good sponsership..........

Haha......cant help but tok abt the movie. I tink the script was changed in little places dere. Cos i dun rmb reading wat they say. Well.......mebe they dint......but my memory doesnt serve me right since i read it while i was P5. By the way, wat exactly happened in the show was rather deviant from i imagined while i was reading the book during P5. And it was much more of fantasy that i tot.......too much till i sometimes tink it's side effects of roald dahl when he fell from from his bomber during his air force years. Oh and charlie is soooooooo innocent and blur.....haha......tt makes him so nice..........

2005-08-26T08:32:00.000-07:00

You will only see what is on the surface.......u nvr asked me.....even if u had, i'll nvr have told u...........

the other side of the story untold.......

2005-08-23T08:38:00.000-07:00

How often do we ever haf the luxury to stare into blank space.......to even take one whole day juz to admire and dwell on deep thoughts.

I was doing my homework juz now and was so stressed.....so tensed up.......i felt imprisoned mentally......there's no way out besides being able to solve all the qns. I almost broke down in room......I stood up, paced towards the window. I stared blankly at the night sky. I put aside every work load on my mind.....i found out it's nt tt we cant get rid of them from our mind.......but whether we choose to remove them. I chose to remove them from my mind, staring at what seemed to be an endless destination, deep space, celestial secrets. The feeling can never be described the great load of ur shoulders, it's as if i grew wings, for that moment i feel weightless, haf never felt this b4.....serious. In the past, i kept tinking these workload can nvr leave my mind until after A lvls, false. I did it......i felt it......the weightlessness of myself.....staring nt at the confined cities, but at something so unlimited, something that is so boundless, something that can never be contained. No limit to freedom.....for once, i smiled, in the past, i only smile at jokes, or to others as as friendly gesture. These smiles are but stimulated by simply the need to do so. However, this smile is induced by nth.......no, there wasnt a need to smile yet it came.......yes, wadeva sensation and experience, are chosen to be felt, chosen out of wat that attempts to limit it.

2005-08-19T09:23:00.000-07:00

Show that studying means failing

Study = No fail_______________(1)
No Study = fail________________(2)

(1) + (2): No Study + Study = fail + No fail
(No + 1) Study = fail(No + 1)
Study = fail------(Shown)

People who study so hard obviously would fail.....cos they cant even work out this eqn to realise that studying means failing..........

Oh i've changed the background music.........this one is by Ayumi.......I start to lyk this song very much........although i once dislike her. But cos the song was the ending song for my fav anime and it suit so well.......geez enjoy ur stay in my blog.......

2005-08-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

I hvnt been blogging for a week lyk tt........

Feeling very tensed up, agitated n rather urgent......but of cos not desperate about prelims. JC life is changing.......this is the most stressed up moment in jc, haiz, frankly speaking, tinking of 1st 3mnths fun in cj. Mebe bcos life was so much better than yet i dun understand y iw as complaining abt life then. Quite dumb of me tinking of it......cos it was so much more fun than the phase of life. Bleahz......still rmb the countless vists to Lidos, Cineleisure and PS..........haha. I oso miss my sec 4 life......yah! But dunno whether to go for the coming gathering leh cos it's during prelims......

2005-08-09T08:53:00.000-07:00

I dint noe the fireworks for NDP wld be of so much a different experience 2dae......despite the crowd, i was in fact thrilled by it.....i captured the video clips of it wif my handphone.....haha so cool.....dunno y......but this yr NDP seem so different from the rest.......sth is so unique which i cant figure out myself.......:)

2005-08-08T08:58:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY TO SINGAPORE...........

2dae's national day celebration in sch is sort of hindered by the rain......to a really pathetic situation. There were supposed to be lyk whole lots of fun wif alot alot of games lah.......but in the end only left this memory game tt i tink is quite stupid.......wasting ur brain cells away for practicaly no reason. Oh ya.....oh man.....im starting to dislike....no only dislike, but condemn someone in my CT. He's so annoying and so arrogant......n worse still.....i cant do anything abt it cos im dragged into the whole shit for no reason.......u feel lyk grabbing a dustbin and juz cover ur head la.....i cant do tt but i wished i cld. I shall no further my elaboration since im wasting myself away if i do so........

After "celebration" at sch.......went to compass point wif htin aung and trisha for lunch den walk around the place.......particularly in the sebawang music store dere. So many good CDs to buy, so little money.........

2005-08-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

Juz b4 i gt addicted to another game.....i shall delete it from my comp right now.....

Well...I down after a maths common test cos it was easy yet i gt a mental block again......however, felt alot more encouraged when i rmb about forgiving myself.....forgiving myself for being unable to meet my own expectations. Perhaps this is quite relevant with myself own situation. I realised n had my eyes wide opened after juz some brief thoughts on it. No, in fact no one is putting those stress, those pressure those demands upon me, i am the one who laid myself wif this burden. No juz in studies, no one is demanding me nor rejecting me for being unable to meet any form of demands, bcos dere arent much expectations from me. All my worries, about jobs being done are pinned by myself......and the reason y i feel so lousy for nt being up to the expectations, is none other than myself. The tremendous torture and pain, are but punishments imposed upon by myself. Bcos i wasnt able to forgive myself for anything, wasnt able to give myself another chance. I feel condemned........i blame someone out dere......who sets the social expectation yet i do not noe who. This mysterious person is none other than me......tt is no wonder how hard i search, i can nvr find. Everyone has forgiven but i wsnt able to make that courageous step, to clean up the mess i made. The need to make the 1st step, to attempt it all over again.

2005-08-01T08:46:00.000-07:00

I actually went paranoid u noe.......for nt being able to do 2 qns......how silly yet im still paranoid bcos other sch haf completed syllabus. Well at this point of time.....only God can help me.....absolutely no one else.......

Tok abt interesting stuffs.........2dae i played rugby for PE........and we finally played after doing physical trg for countless weeks.......so happy!!!!!!!!!!! yeah, it's very very very exciting n funny and kickass, wadeva u haf to describe how shiok it can be. And getting tackled is not exactly painful man......haha........i gt tackled by someone twice my width if u noe wat i mean.........well the feeling is lyk....one moment u feel a flying effect and u land on the grass.....cool.......rugby rox! Oh ya this guy who tackled was really an apocalypse on the field........my team consisting of 6 pple had 5 pple on him yet cldnt stop him from touching down.

2005-07-30T09:09:00.000-07:00

My comp is finally on engine again....n much better one....
Okie fine if u really wanna noe wat my PES status is........im in PES B

Im so insecure about myself these days.....nt as if someone will sneak up behind my back these days.....Could this be my imagination.......Oh ya im gtting sarcastic nowadays n a little more "bastardy"........yeah becoming a bastard many would call........

2005-07-27T06:29:00.000-07:00

95 days to A levels..........this is wat happened......

Im beginning to worry cos it looks lyk syllabus will finish on the dot b4 prelims......

Oh and my comp broke down......thank God......y? cos i could now focus much better on my studies......i cant type much cos it's my sis laptop and she needa laptop pretty soon.....gtg cya pple

2005-07-21T09:03:00.000-07:00

Something seems so boring in sch these few days, well besides the complain of the daily routines.
That's beside the point, but it seems that alot of things seems missing in sch, is it bcos everyone is mugging and no one really cares if wadeva they have been maintaining are maintained. Well that can be explained by the bulk of J2s getting......wat grades r that........EFF?

Well in the midst of.......working towards A lvls.....i kind of encounter a few species of A level candidates

Purely Intelligent
Well one type of candidates that is worth highligting is the purely intelligent people. Their IQ is self-explanatory. These people surprisingly do work hard.....well at least 8 out of 10 of them still do work hard though. Not muggers........but juz consistent with their work. What probably keeps them consistent is the fact that they are so brainy tutorials dun seem a chore, maybe a colouring worksheet they bring home everyday.

Muggers
Ah.......our familiar dear friend who takes his or her TYS, ready to open them anytime, anywhere. Most of the time, such people cant do well without mugging, or at least they cant perform to their expectations. Reason being that for any reason they were unable to mug for any of their tests, they will enter the exam hall with total zero confidence, bcos mugging is so attached to their studies life it becomes so weird to feel unprepared for an exam......which occurs once in a blue moon, well no a pink moon, a red moon? Well forget the colours of the moon, such muggers have exceptional fear of failing. Their motivation? They're the most motivated people......i've heard of one who sleep at 10pm, wakes up at 2am to mug and then head straight of to sch.

Liars
They are muggers actually.......but they are the once who successfully convince others that they belong to slackers type candiates. Reason being......to gain an extra edge as others are conned not to study.....most of the time by their closest friends. As such......they are the most condemned type of candidates. Despicable and cunning, they do all their mugging at home. They ARE NOT intelligent though when they obtained their As......others would view them as intelligent candidates as many think they dint study much....the fact is, they're juz another bloody mugger at home.

Slackers
Self-explanatory...........most of us fall into this category. They are actually a sub-class of the intelligent candidates......juz one difference that draws the line between the intelligent and the slackers, they never do well for exams. They're most of the time 5 to 10 tutorials behind, that's alot.......but at least they dint lie abt the fact that they dint study. Surprisingly, they r the most sociable people in sch.......their time indulged in hanging out with friends. They are dangerously contagious as a result......and often draws more of their intelligent counterparts to their circle of buddies.

2005-07-17T07:50:00.000-07:00

Today, tears flow from my eyes...........

2005-07-09T08:00:00.000-07:00

Well so mid-yrs went back...........dun really tink im satisfied wif the results, but nevertheless.......thank God for tt.......oso this is a wake-up call for me to work harder......n stop reading too much comics......haha.

Oh ya, thanx mag for the water bottle :)......n loads of pple actually for remembering my bdae........my whole claz in fact for doing so......haha!

Oh ya actually i changed my phone.......n i wan a cap i realise........o when i lazy style my hair i can wear it. And it comes really in handy in my life after JC......lolz the taboo hairstyle.....bleahz......someone pls buy me a cap????

2005-07-05T08:25:00.000-07:00

Ahh.........quite tired now.....

Went for an overnight chalet organised by my claz......

CAMP 04S9A @ Aloha chalet
Well abit paiseh cos i came rather late. So i tried to reduce this guilt by helping out alot in the BBQ cooking. It was a very fun BBQ......at least the whole chalet seems haf only the BBQ being fun. Cos though my claz is quite a bonded one i feel.....somehow everybody seems to be doing their own things in the BBQ. Okie.......dere's the mahjong gang lah. Dun really lyk to play mahjong, so from 11pm to 6pm.......this is wat i did. I watched lyk a few VCDs yensoon brought......eh, darkwaters, tokyo raiders and this chinese show tt made me almost teared cos gt one part really very sad. You'll be surprised it's a mahjong show. After tt the rest of the VCDs seem to be C-grade movies........haha really cannot make it man. Yeah, guess wat? I finally tried FFX!!!! I dun find the gameplay extemely exciting, wld say above average lah. But wat really made my jaw drop are the awesome graphics lor. The whole game is lyk........im watching a movie man. Okie, so tried to sleep but cldnt......dunno why but dint feel tired n tt was lyk 4am liao. So laid on a bed for half an hour n wake up to try Return of the King. Another kickass game.......can really gt addicted to it. Leanrt how to play poker b4 gg home this morning......haha. Yah tt was camp 04S9A.

2005-07-03T06:12:00.000-07:00

Haha 2dae after service......went wif dots, josiah n wah......really alot of pple to Swee Lee n den to search for my shoe.

I bought a piano book at Swee Lee haha......wif the help of nicholas. After Swee Lee, we went to mcDonalds to eat........i had my lunch so practically dint buy anything in mac. Did absolutely nth in mac. After tt.......went to shop for my shoe.....i saw this Puma shoe damn cool lah.......but it's $89 lah.....so in the end bought.......yet another sneakers, haiz......but this time is a Puma sneakers.Haiz, time to bid goodbye to my red converse. Wah den Josiah recommend me this blue shoe quite nice......it's damn rock-star style....but dun haf my size man........n anyway i dun feel lyk doing lah.....n it's nt really branded......but 1st time i was in so much desire to buy a non-branded shoe......nt bcos im a brand-conscious person......but tt most of the time for shoes other normal brands have a CMI quality......tt's for shoes lah. Okie den i felt damn tired n my mum nags at me for staying out the whole day.......so felt obliged to go home.......den feel very guilty cos nvr follow Victor to find his amp......

2005-07-01T08:37:00.000-07:00

Okie went to jalan jalan wif dots, mel n weiyi b4 gg for prayer mtg.
Well damn alot things to do at j8......until we can go round and round the 3rd floor and probably finding every shop so new man......it's lyk......my 1st time gg j8 n im so fascinated lah dere's such things as shops......

Well thanx dots for the cheese cake......that rox man.......n ya nt forgetting melissa for helping me earn my CIP hrs man.......lyk toking to her lah......wah really risky CIP man........high risk of being incapacitated by her intelligence.......

2005-06-28T09:27:00.000-07:00

Wow really wanna thank God 2dae for the maths paper cos it's so smooth........and i was at full calmness at places i was rather stuck......could solve almost all the parts where im stuck. =)

Okie tmr i need lots of strength......cos it's Fmaths and physics paper 3.......
Well im sitting here blogging while is 12+ already. Not bad, thank God also that i ccld slp earlier and earlier already. Well......"not bad" for thursday.....well for these 2 years my birthday falls on the mid-yr. What gd day it falls on.....no wait......it's mid-yr that crashes into my birthday date okie.......wah lau? Cant admin be sensitive that it's my bdae......haha......

2005-06-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

Tmr is........sch reopen, the final lap, the final semester......towards A levels.....towards the end of government education. This is the final step for me which i shall nt walk likely. All past mistakes shall be taken into consideration......to avoid them again.

Since a new semester after all, it's sort of lyk a new chapter of life in sch. I shld change wadeva tt's ugly n put on my best self, since it's the last semester to ever clear others' bad impression of u. It's the whole new thing again i feel this time. I do not noe y, is it because i probably wldnt be studying for the next two years? I dun noe. I've wasted really alot of times, seriously. I dun wanna waste anything anymore..........A levels......here i come! =)

2005-06-25T07:10:00.000-07:00

okieokie.......arghhhh.....okie, okie! I shall go n buy my shoes okie?
My mum is nagging me again......lazy to go out......stuck at home play MS.......

Anyway well haha, thanx meix. That was really a creative present. :)

This whole holiday lyk quite boring man......nt much outings, most of the time stuck at home lah. Haha perhaps this cld be my last sch holiday lor.....cos if i am enlisted on december.......haiz den this is really my last sch holidays. Really boring man.......muz really start making myself stronger.......but hor, i run lyk 2.4km i already feel very cold already n my whole face is flushed pale, i wonder wat if i do the running in army.......is it 4.8 or 5.2 ah? Either oso will faint lah......so no point asking actually......

Bye

2005-06-21T08:50:00.000-07:00

Should i become a roadsweeper or toilet cleaner?

Yihao - see if u wan face anot lahz, think toilet cleaner ba

Julia- u can open a company incharge of cleaning (is she saying toilet cleaner?)

Melissa - haha, road sweeper i guess..cos road sweeper its like easier..

Nic - Roadsweeper easier life

Yensoon - u wan zhang yang a bit b road sweeper.. if wan quiet a bit b toilet cleaner lolx, i tink fer mi i rather b ... hmmmx road sweeper lolx

Shiqi - can be a teacher teach kindergarten, anyway, if fail den retake la(pardon me.....but does she ever pass content for GP?)

2005-06-19T07:42:00.000-07:00

Okie......im gtting addicted to MS.....tt childish game.....yeah pls call me childish........someone?

Haha......well holidays is gg to be over soon......and i dun feel secured yet. Dunno y.......i seriously tink i dint study enuff......this holiday has the most commitment on studies, yet the most no of distraction, gt MS and Inuyasha comics. Okie, den i hvnt really touch computing yet......haiz dun wanna disappoint my computing tchr, but cant be helped lah. Hopefully i can really perform well my maths and physics, so computing can dun care for time being. But how long am I gonna procrastinate to study computing, that i do not noe? Forever? A levels is juz around the corner n im nt serious, haiz, dunno wat im doing these days lah.........at most clean toilet lor if i fail.......bleahz! =p

2005-06-15T00:25:00.000-07:00

Sitting here in front of my comp blogging bcos i so sick n tired of studying and i decided to come n blog cos dun wanna play games, my dad coming home anytime so he'll nag at me lah......

Here is wat happened......monday, i went to cmpb. The place is really weird, as in, the pple r weird, their instructions unclear, cant really observe their professionalism.

Tuesday, back for cmpb again, this time for the aptitude test. Lolz.....the qns quite hard. Den for the arithmetic part, i cant complete cos my sec2 foundation very jialat........so im very slow at multiplying decimals. Den went to joey's house wif ben, weiyi n dot to "study". Yah really we "study" really damn hard till we're so engrossed wif wat we're "studying".

Im so bored.......

2005-06-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

Yeah Inuyasha is back on TV........tt's wat probably may distract me from my studies.....haha cos this time the show has sponser.....so probably will finish the series......

Okie 2dae........went out wif jon leong, joey, mel, weiyi, josh and ben liang's gang.
Wow........we went town n den go around window shop, do nth, bought nth except for the McSpicy meal at mcDonalds for my dinner. Actually wanted to look for my shoes, cos wah lau.......converse shoe damn lousy man, a while den spoil liao. My red converse sia.....i treasure it so much. Sobz! Wah, i really lyk tt shoe alot lah........den torn at the back. So my mum sort of told me to look for another pair, which i haf no idea and no time to look for it. Okie i combed the town 2dae actually, basically town only gt 3 place fun, combed to areas, Heeren and Cineleisure. Dint go Far East lah, dunno y, tink 2dae wld be more fun if go Far East, but everyone prefer stoning at Long John......so bo bian. Ya i bought my red converse at Far East.......dun look lyk a place to buy shoes but actually nt a bad place. Anyway, the whole while in my mind was the turkish restaurant.......one of these days muz go man......
And i finished book 16 of inuyasha i finished 11 to 16 in 3 days. Gonna gt more from yong en......

2005-06-07T09:59:00.000-07:00

Guess im addicted to the inuyasha comics i juz borrowed......read for 1 and the half hours juz now....late at nite w/o realising i read so long. Well cldnt do physics cos took the drowsy cough medicine.......well an excuse to read the comics actually.

Ytd went for choir bbq. Haha the games was nevertheless good lah....good job for the j1s. Got soaked to my shoes when we played water bomb.......well, den i dint bring clothes to change lah, silly me. So i played good by doing the cooking for the barbeque, main reason to gt near the heat to dry my clothes i was wearing. Actually i dint eat much lah, cos i dun wan to gt a sore throat again, but anyway, i find out im pretty not bad at cooking.....oooppss praising myself eh.........den very silly lah, played daidee for 1 game and den the group decided nt to play anymore. Reach home at around 11+, conclusion, not bad........had the fun tt was worth the $12.

Although i told them i wanna join the new choir formed, was having second thoughts cos i dunno if i can gif the commitment......esp my commitment only start after A lvls, and it's during my NS........howeva, i tink i wanna learn more, n probably in the future mebe, singing cld be one thing aside my work.

2005-06-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

Went wif josiah's and ben's gang to play DoTA 2dae.........well i really gained alot of experience though this is probably still my infant stages of mastering DoTA.......some of them really pro.

Was extremely irritated by this small kid ah......rather plump. He's barely P5 and his dictionary is thicker than mine.......oh sorry to correct wat i juz said, his vulgarities dictionary was so much thicker than mine. Cant visualise his vocabulary proficiency when he's goes to sec sch.....if at all. Geezz im bad, but he deserves such comment. Well not only is he so vulgar, he turn on his music so loud one wld think dere's a new patch for warcraft that features Green Day's Boulevard of broken dreams for the Undead skin. Well, actually i lyk Green Day alot, really a bunch of crappy punk rockers.......but think pple who dun lyk punk rock will be super irritated. Well, 1st of all, this boy probably dint noe how to read the house rules "No maximum volume".

Overall still enjoyed my day, and it's so expensive........that place. My 1st time experience at tt LAN shop, well i wun ever come back again lah........total for each person was, u guess.......$7.50. Daylight robbery man.....or at least nightime robbery. Dint join josh for dinner anyway cos i was too broke to continue hangout.

2005-06-01T07:39:00.000-07:00

Caught up flu 2dae........well wanted to go jalan jalan wif mel n weiyi........but in the end think my body CMI 2dae, so in the end stayed home.

I was injured.....where were they? They juz disappeared w/o a trace. I was left alone, i was left to tend to myself. Not a single helping hand. The emptiness as they left, cld nt be predicted when they were still dere. The melody of lies they sing sounded sweet and enchanting, who wld expect such a situation to occur. How cld any be so lonely out in the darkness, in the cold wind of loneliness, on the road of humiliation? I dint choose.......no i dint choose this road. I dint choose to be left here......i thought as i woke up. Who cld have picked agony for his life? The face of joy and laughter is no more, what left are drops of tears scattered on my cheeks. I was left here..........

betrayal

2005-05-31T07:40:00.000-07:00

Ouch! Sore throat now.............yucks...........oh tt's bcos of my own doing
the claz feast at marina bay........thanx man....brought home a sore throat......

will blog more nxt time.......hafta deal wif my blocked nose too....

2005-05-29T08:36:00.000-07:00

Ytd's performance........it dint turn out as well.....but nonetheless it was still the most memorable one i wld and only wld haf.............

What's lost.......had been lost for good. They r gone, as fast as they appear. Regret, is an aftermath of lost, a reaction towards something, be it chances, possession or experiences, that is missed. A moment of carelessness or hesitation, a lifelong wound of a lost.

Injured

2005-05-25T08:45:00.000-07:00

ah yesh.........my net nick is..........kindy_b0

Well weird name........alot of pple ask y. Actually it started all from the day when i started going into mirc. Well back then it was quite popular.......nowadays irc looked dead. Initially i used kinder_boy as my net nick, inspired from>>>>> u guess it kinder-bueno chocs. Well dere was this problem wif maximum number of characters in nickname......den in the end this nick always gt truncated to "kinder_bo" in anotherwards the 'y' is gone. I used it for a while, halfway morphing the 'o' to '0'<--------zero. No particular reason to morph, perhaps it's trendy to do so. Den one fine day i read aloud my own nick for myself to hear.......it seems difficult to say and sounded rather weird and at the same time awful. So i decided to make my name sound a little cuter and nicer to say, by changing it to........u got it......."kindy_b0"............

2005-05-21T07:47:00.000-07:00

Haha my blog really look dead.......but tt wldnt deter me from writing.......

Reason im nt writing for lyk a week cos i nvr cld haf the energy to hit the keyboard, given the intensity of practices for the coming concert.

I really tot of doing some shopping during the june holidays......1stly that will occupy my mind from the fact of having to tink tt my mid-yr is when sch-reopens.......ya, and i saw one of my choir fren's wallet very nice......look lyk the one weiyi gt (oso wif the studs). Basically i dint wanna get that wallet, the sight of it somehow chains my mind smoothly to having the intention to do shopping. Ya, admit it.......im quite broke, wif still $40 for the prom-nite, pending $8.50 for Star Wars...........nt so ez for me to step into orchard. As much as i enjoy having fun hanging out doing window shopping, i dislike the temptation......basically it's no temptation at all cos i consciously knew i haf nth in my wallet, so it's the "so near yet so far" feeling that i detest.
Well off to bed......nitezzz

2005-05-14T06:18:00.000-07:00

I wanna say no more..........

It nvr occured to me tt this will happen......i juz cant speak........i juz cant express how i feel here, probably wld let things be..........my tagboard is rotting........

2005-05-10T07:33:00.000-07:00

Guess......i hate to mug........though sometimes i haf no choice but to do so.......reason is bcos mugging will stress me up n cos those pimples to pop out of my face lyk my face tmr cannot grow pimple anymore. So brought down by others, 2dae is really nt a gd day for me.........my morale n confidence for the A levels plunge almost to the lowest. Well my maths teacher, approached me today to say tt after toking to me for so long n looking at my homework, he found that my concepts for mechanics were haywired.......n tt really crashed my morale to work hard, after so long of trying my best for mechanics, i cant believe i dint improve much. Well, mebe it bcos he's juz promoting the recent tuition thingy in the sch where dere's quite a sum to pay for, but certainly, tt isnt the way. Indirectly, he's juz hinting to me tt my mechanics sux. Although im always lagging around 2 qns behind the claz for his tutotial, i tried my best already i felt cos recently cca really devoured my energy till i barely haf any for my tutorials, my body ruled over my mind bcos its extreme weariness. It isnt fair! I tried my best k..........i really did.

*Wipes of that drop of tears that's rolling my cheeks*

As if it wasnt enuff for the day, during S-paper claz, almost everyone cld do at least 3 out of 4 qns, yet i cld only do 2. I felt so lousy..........i dunno how much effort the others haf put in......but certainly i've pushed hard till im fainting, fainting from my weariness............i dunno y r things juz so screwed up all of a sudden?

2005-05-06T07:07:00.000-07:00

Im dumbfounded, really dun haf energy to say anything.......

I feel so lost right now.........im nt sure wat to do. Feel that everything juz seem so blue. They seem so dull and blue. Nothing catches my eye these days.........really practically nth. Going for dinners and lunches dint help much. Everything juz tasted the same.........the same blending taste to me. Sometimes, i wld tink tt im juz tired of my life or that it's juz a period of depression suffered in a different manner this time. Everyone seem the same nowadays, it's as if i cld cut and paste wif another person for anyone i meet. Does this spell insanity? Or is this normal that im gg thru that im juz feeling over-paranoid of myself? I dun noe the answer.........burdens upon burdens lie b4 me, that i feel so over-stretched i sometimes ask how much is my life anyway........it's priceless yet it doesnt seem so.......

2005-05-04T07:54:00.000-07:00

Im really at a lost..........pick up up when u find me.........

2005-05-03T06:27:00.000-07:00

looking 4ward to tmr.......mainly bcos no lessons. Haha....me pragmatic guy sia......

Tink it lyk this.......the mood tensed up......air seems heavy, i cldnt really breathe now. Everything seems so fast pace. Things r gg on so very fast.......the world is juz so mean, juz so unfriendly to me, who nvr seem to haf enuff time to comprehend anything thing tt happens. Every moment fear grips, it's lyk a worm wriggling in my nerves, the fear of the beyond. I nvr cld see wat lies ahead of me. If i cld ever do so, i wld nvr cos im too timid to do so, to frighten myself even more.............i cld scream help all day long..........................wif no one coming to my rescue......................

2005-05-02T06:58:00.000-07:00

Totally Exhausted To Speak

2005-04-29T08:19:00.000-07:00

haha i changed the background music liao

Sounds abit lyk........chi-na rite? Actually this song is nice, cos it builds up slowly......really u'll nvr regret staying on my blog for the last part of the song.......

Haha syf is really approaching......no time to finish tutorials.....no time take a breath at somewhere quiet, nowhere to reflect on myself. Sometimes i long for juz a couple of minutes where i can completed cut myself from every single mundane matters, and to be completely invisible from anyone......so that no one will talk to me. Den can i reflect on myself deeply, i need such time.

2005-04-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

The path seemed to lead off to nowhere. The precise rays of the afternoon sun projected itself through the many holes in the canopy. I flinch through my way, anticipating for my body to collapse, waiting for the moment to be released from the woods. The creepy shade take a toll of my energy, that very last bit for my breath. My mind seems blank, no longer having the strength to think. My whole being weaken and age each minute. The world started to twirl around me, light fading off. I breathe it, what i would question if it was my last.

A constricting feeling jerked me awoke. A sting resisted the movement of my eyelids as i tried to open my eyes. Somehow, a sensation which i detected first with my lips became a reason for jubilation. A sign of revival surrounded my body rendering all forms of resistance on my body void. My excitement dominated my whole being, clouding the reason for me to rejoice. It took the soaked blisters on my feet to realeased wat it was. A phenomenon that has become so alien, an event that should now be recognised as a miracle. They aren't tears as what people would describe them as, they are music. A song composed in the natural beat, the beat of life. The woods seems to be in a celebration, dancing at the beat of the band's symphony. The crystals were so clear, as my naked eys saw no death, no sorrow reflected on it. I shut my eyes again, this time to experience this moment of celebration, sticking out my tongue to taste sugar. Time no longer has its place that governs me..........................this moment of tranquility.

2005-04-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

Taking part in this bloggy competition..........the theme is on Voices of Singapore Teenagers........
Well i dunno wat's wrong wif me, but nowadays, im really procrastinating alot esp for this competition. Not that my teammates dun do so........some may be worse.........

Wonder y nowadays my blog quite dry in terms of content.....possibly bcos im always too tired to tink of anything more sophisticated to pen down.........cant wait for holidays......where i can write more interesting n happening entries.........fresh mind n lots of hanging outs.

2005-04-18T07:51:00.000-07:00

Dragging myself around the school everyday........

I am a de-sensitized freak.........cos i dun seem to flinch when i watch violence on films.......deprived am i from blood and gore. I juz gain pleasure in watching those death scenes sometimes, i release stress thru' them. In fact, im actually using their pain and screams as the panadol for my headache. Call me sick, call me sadistic, call me a nightmare!
Then dun come near me, dun even give an eye-contact on me......cos i may be eyeing on ur pain, on ur death.......I AM CRAZY....okie......?????!!!!

2005-04-16T06:08:00.000-07:00

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ahAh-ah, Ah-ah

I walk aloneI walk a...
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

azlyrics.com

Suddenly really lyk this song alot.....dunno why.....go download.......haha......

2005-04-15T07:24:00.000-07:00

Im drained....................

2005-04-14T08:33:00.000-07:00

Hey my fren has a gd nick....."What's the use of a door if it says 'Do Not Enter'"
Haha crappy......but we've nvr think further when we see such doors. Certain doors seem to prohibit almost everyone from entering. What's the use of such doors anyway?

Helps me relate to the fact that we're always telling our frens how bz we r.......n that we still cal them frens. Wat's the use of recognising someone as ur fren when u cant even give him or her ur attention and be dere when he or her needs u. Coming to tink of it, im juz lyk everone else. Nvr been able to be around for everyone when they need me. Guilty, yesh of cos i am. Mebe im juz too pressured to satisfy those whom i love n care abt. Am i acting a show? Trying to be nice, yet inside me is juz an ugly creature?

A white-washed wall?

2005-04-13T08:17:00.000-07:00

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Rather irritated by pple who use cell phones while toking to u.....no sense of respect towards u. Read this article 2dae. Quite agreed wif it........

Mood now: Fearful, troubled................

__________________________________________

2005-04-10T08:20:00.000-07:00

I dunno.......whenever i feel lonely....i tend to force a conversation with someone......
That's pretty selfish cos others may nt wish to tok to me. Sometimes i juz feel they r obligated to tok to me........it's lyk....urghhh.....these people r juz so disgusting........yet i bear part of the blame for forcing a conversation with them. I juz feel myself being on a different frequency with everyone else. This cld get worse, i dunno wat to do wif this prob. Juz tt i feel, sometimes i dun feel lyk toking too.......sometimes i nd some time to stay quiet. Yet too much of it wld be loneliness......sth which im so afraid of.

2005-04-09T08:28:00.000-07:00

Hey pple........

Haiz recently really stressed lah.........tt's y the blog entries seems empty

Currently dere are 3 things tt basically makes my life occupied......real occupied i mean.....

Well 1st is of cos.......settling of the OHP Ministry thing n the recruitment of pple....haha....tt's quite a challenge from God

Secondly is my studies.......argh........tt's a taboo. My recent block test really saddens me. Plus computing coursework dun turn out quite well....haizzz.......It really gives the sad feeling. I dunno......but thigns in studies juz dun turn out the way i wanted since the beginning of this term. Sometimes i really feel lyk juz tearing all my notes, throw them in the dustbin n 4gt abt it all. Sometimes i juz feel lyk telling teachers straight in their face tt i can study. All these thoughts juz exist in my mind..........sobz.......dere's so much of the burden yet i cant even do anything to them, let alone anyone can help me..........sobz

Thirdly is of cos SYF........haiz tt one really stressful cos it's very tiring lah...the trg. Den somehow the expectations r high...........so it's super stressful........

2005-04-07T09:09:00.000-07:00

Im so sick n tired of computing coursework......tt's frank, cos i dun really lyk frontpage. haha......very hard to use, very troublesome

Haha hi, welcome readers, to my new blogskin. Well, this time nt i do one hehe. All thanx to magdalene! SImilieezzz......:):):):):)
I kindof lyk the background lah, white, someone haf the faint effects. Cool man.....suit my writing style.

Haf been looking back at my archives. Though i dun make them available to u readers, i do read them myself, digest n make myself a better writer, oso a better me, one who comprehends the world around me better. I tink i haf really changed alot, in terms of character. For the better or worse, i dunno......

2005-04-04T08:34:00.000-07:00

It's time for me to really go look for blogskins........
I tot of gtting someone to help me do the blogskin this time, to be a little more creative yet a bit more lazy bah ler.....haha

For ur info, i change my backgrnd music......it's the Inuyasha's song: "My Will"......tt one featuring Kagome riding a train.

It's nt abt how much....................but how long it can last............

2005-04-02T04:53:00.000-08:00

U dun hafta do that,

U dun hafta say that,

U dun hafta feel obliged,

U dun hafta explain it,

U dun hafta answer for my wounds,

U dun hafta soothe my pain,

U dun hafta talk to me anymore,

.....................for i noe wat is in ur mind

2005-03-28T07:13:00.000-08:00

Have ever had a feeling of being in doubt of a question......
yet u dun bring the qns out to anyone cos u noe obviously no one wld the answer.

That happens to me lots of times. I nvr do gt answers for most of the questions as expected. Sometimes it's juz so hard to define knowledge. No one has all to the answers, even on his or her specialty. Of cos, my questions wld most of the time be ones that r in no particular field, bcos they r questions on ourselves, no one can comment and explain abt themselves, without fearing his or her accuracy in the answer.

It wasnt in my life......until this moment

2005-03-24T06:29:00.000-08:00

I dint noe wat to say.......how to describe it.......
I dunno how can i ever speak about the trauma i faced after the blog test.
My life really sux at school......i feel more and more rejected in school. I cant seem to find the particular reason. Am i really that peculiar in my character? How can i change it? No......i dunno. pple say my character probably sux.....bcos no one without a gd character will face this problem. I search, i cldnt find any particular reason to actually explain the rejection i face. In addition, the recent block test further plunge my morale to near zero level, the morale to even carry on. Is the world really darkening for me?

.......What haf i done wrong?

2005-03-20T06:41:00.000-08:00

"U stared hard at me, wif the puzzling eyes

Turning around, my eyes met yours, tears started rolling down

I cant explain, n i wld never be able to do so............I juz cldnt express myself"

2005-03-18T07:01:00.000-08:00

Life gets busier for me.......no, i dun want it tt way, but somehow......it juz happen to me for no apparent reason. It's hectic society around me.....everyone moves very fast.....even buses dun wait for u.....urghhhhhuuu........they make me run practically every morning at AMK station......cos always cant on the spot the bus is at the traffic junction. And guess wat.......to sum it all up, block test is juz 3 days away.......and how much revision have i done.... probably up to today, 30% bah.

Well the pace of life nowadays, resembles myself sailing away from a storm. Kindof weird right? The sea is one that i can see no land, a sea seemingly without boundary. Dere's no harbour, no lighthouse to guide u. It's forever rough, a sea where u never dare thought of getting shipwrecked in, yet u hear of many cases of shipwreck, how treacherous the sea is. You r always shuddering at the thought of shipwreck, a thought that haunts u, yet it compels u to attempt sail off somwhere else...........yet nowhere seems a better place.

2005-03-15T07:29:00.000-08:00

Well 2dae's cip really nt bad.....

Well cos we went to a mentally disabled home........n to be frank everyone felt a little initimidated by the pple.....n end up alot of them were scared when it comes to the interact cum dinner session. Somehow...dere was this guy whom needs feeding.....alot of my friends were hesistant......but i guess i wld be lyk them......if nt tt i felt a very strong prompting from the Holy Spirit to go forth. I really wanted to tear as i feed tt guy....serious for the 1st time i wanted to cry......bcos i was so touched......as the Lord told me to love them too.......bcos He love them as much as He love me. Seeing them wif so much lower IQ.....yet they dun seem to realise how pitiful they r.......n their lives r full of joy. We wif higher IQs juz messed up our own lives n blame God for being in tt mess. What r we? Seriously......i've nvr felt lyk crying when i do cip.......i really admire them....cos they r juz so aware of God's love......

2005-03-12T07:36:00.000-08:00

Was watching a chinese horror movie for some scenes........y do all horror things hafta take place in a hospital.....lame rite?

Well anyway.....2dae went for choir this morning.....den went for sunday service prac.....finally wif Joey n mel to the NUS openhse.......well the so called openhse was super boring......the pple who were attending to us from each faculty's booth is extremely weird in one way or another.........u cld ask mel for more info.....

Wanted to buy wristbands.......cldnt afford it......argh 77th street sells more n more expensive stuffs these days.......

Okie generally.....i dunno wat to say abt 2dae......but it was rather okie......

2005-03-10T07:10:00.000-08:00

Okie hi pple......

Well anyway tutorials, im starting to catch up.....thank God for that really.......JC2 is tough.......but tt's when i find myself clinging hard on my faith.

I can feel tt wadeva my friends, or "friend"s are doing really backstabbed me. Hypocrites r who i call them sometimes.......feel so angry wif pple who always do these to me.

Anyway......2dae i was practising piano.....n these JC1s really irritating cos they were staring straight at me.....com'on im practising......i juz started learning.....

2005-03-05T07:35:00.000-08:00

Im fainting..........

too many people.......

too many questions...........

too much anxieties.......

too many lies.......

too many trials.........

Im closing my eyes n dun want to open it anymore

2005-03-01T07:37:00.000-08:00

Im really tinking very hard how to style my hair recently.....cos my frens sae no matter how i change a little here n dere......looks rather the same.....suggestions???!!!!

Oh ya....actually i tok to dorothy tt day abt the difference between being gd at maths n being gd at maths exams.......i tink shld encourage those who r nt scoring for their maths........it doesnt mean u're nt gd at maths. Okie, this is my idea of how things goes. Maths is all abt problem-solving. Well, man cant really tink of a better way to measure how gd u r at solving problems. That's y.......theyc reated sth called the maths exams which stressed us out till we freak out. Any Tom, Dick Harry noes tt ur maths grades may be gd but u're nuts at managing even simple tasks. Therefore, shows tt the procedure of measurement is inaccurate. So overall, being gd at maths exams doesnt show anything, what is the real thing is tt we shld aim to be gd at maths.....to be able to handle the problems n obstacles in our lives. 4gt the calculator eh?

The bee-hoon store at my hse downstairs is really gtting from bad to worse. Pls close down...........

2005-02-26T07:48:00.000-08:00

This morning........i went to sch......

While i was at a traffic junction outside AMK station........this thing i saw was sth i hadnt noticed was so beautiful. Dried leaves been blown around on the road by a gust of wind. I've nvr really take notice or rather take a closer look and better appreciate the sight.......the sight of the dried leaves gliding their way above the ground, with the help of the wind, tt nvr seems to end. The sky darkens high above my head.

For a moment, it seems lyk autumn. Though it is so impossible........but it is juz so close to the common sight in autmn. For a moment........the wind felt chilling. I cld wait, normally wld be raindrops to start falling, but no.........i was waiting, tt moment, for snow..........i cld feel my own mind being senseless....but tt dint bothered me abit. I was actually waiting for snow, sth which wld nvr come.........the road, the people the hustle and bustle of the city disappeared behind me in my mind. I was out in the middle of nowhere......of endless deciduous trees........largely maple trees. The jagged edges of the leaves caught my attention the most. They are lyk blades carried along by the wind.........yet gently they rest as the wind die for intervals. I cldnt describe the sensation......but i had nvr appreciated so much of dried leaves.......

2005-02-25T07:21:00.000-08:00

God did miracles 2dae......hallelujah!!!!!!!

Okie anyway to start off........the FMB test wasnt tt bad as i tot it wld be. Somehow had the "full mark" feeling. Thank God for that!

To everyone who's gonna collect their Os and As results......all the best!

Recently.....i cld catch up wif the tutorials already. Always on time for handing in assignments. That's pretty gd start for a JC2 student.......:):):):):)

Argh.....tmr gt choir again.

Hate being wrong abt somebody. Makes me feel bad for being too quick to judge someone sometimes. Really love to apologise to pple whom i had bad impression of.......but was wronged. Cldnt do it.........but i wld love to express it.

2005-02-22T06:05:00.000-08:00

Why can't a man cry?

This is utmost unfair.......

Gender expectations? Rubbish!

A real man doesnt cry.......i wun wanna believe tt!

If he doesnt cry, his heart has been hardened. True he may still have feelings towards people close to him, yet his heart is not moved. He has forgotten how to express himself. The society's expectation of him has taken a more important place than his personal emotions. He has let image and pride take the higher priority. He has forfeited the very voice of his heart. His heart has become a prisoner of the pride he seek. His mind has taken complete control, his physical mind, the mind craving for popularity from the world. His heart cries in its imprisonment, yet his eyes betray his heart. His whole being morphs to a machine tt works of pride.

He has lost his sanity.......

2005-02-17T06:12:00.000-08:00

okie i gt this cough tt's still around my lungs lyk gonna be coughed out soon lah........

Oh ya btw, i am so tired after choir practices, really cant do much homework after tt. Dunno y, but recently i "pon" a few sessions. It's really exhausting on my side........i mean....i realise tt CCA is supposed to be around to have fun. How come at times when we're so tired........we're obliged to go?

Went to Kenny's for a haircut tt day. Den i realised tt im quite anti-social........cos on my way to serangoon MRT, this elderly saw me walking so damn fast n im coughing so jia lat liao, so he tell me to slow down. Well my 1st reaction was, a lunatic! Argh, cant believe im the lunatic myself for dismissing him as one. Im nt sure y i tot so during tt instant, my definitely i regretted., Dint noe wat i was doing. And at Outram i met up wif yuan kun, or rather he saw while i dint c him, so nt considered met up.

2005-02-13T07:30:00.000-08:00

Okie a couple of pple haf linked me.....haha

Well if u're new reader of my blog....u'll probably find tt i dun lyk to dictate wat i did throughout the day. Rather, i write out my thoughts, those tt dwell in my head tt i may or may nt be able to understand. Look i cant even understand myself sometimes, so u hafta 4give me.

Have u realised i've nvr put up my name or any of my own info on my blog? Well, wanna remain anonymous to whoever i unexpect......well u noe wat i mean. Sometimes, it's true we hafta expect for the unexpected. I've been harrassed a couple of times bcos i put my name in ym previous skin. Well it's least chances since actually, it's nt so ez to find my blog thru' yahoo or sth. But 2dae, i juz realised tt it's rather 2pid, or im rather silly to haf to try to remain anonymous cos u can actually noe who i am bcos if u're an unexpected "guest", then u'll link all the way here thru' a blog chain. Anyway, i've been spending lyk half of the life i haf lived trying to cover the loopholes, every single loophole tt exposed my vulnerability. I want others to see me strong, i try so hard to cover all my weaknesses, loopholes where u can pick on me, where u can criticise me. The funny thing is, the harder i try, the worse it gets. Actually, i tot over it n it dint work this way. All along, whether i put in minimum or maximum effort to cover them, the end result is the same degree of exposure of my weaknesses. The reason y i tink the harder i try, the worse it gets is probably due to the fact i drained myself for nothing at the end of the day.

Dun pick on me, pls........

2005-02-12T07:04:00.000-08:00

Okie anyway......i juz cant get rid of the nausea feeling......it's been bugging me for quite some time i guess, mebe it's due to this cough im having......

Well, pple feel free to link me as long as u tell me......im publicising my blog at least....

Well CNY.....u guess it, very very very boring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haf u ever become worried at times whether pple approve of ur personality. Well, personality, like it or not, cant be changed so easily. For me, I guess some pple wiew me as one who's indecisive. Well to justify my indecisiveness.....u muz understand tt im a person who tries to satisfy everyone. When i cant in any situation, i become indecisive which is the usual case but occasionally, i become conscious if my indecisiveness and become forceful, even making the worst decision, one that ends up disappointing everyone. Therefore, im afraid of this rare turnout and thus, i wld choose to be indecisive. Well, by now, some pple know tt im one who runs away from frens whom haf trouble. I really dun wish to be this type of person. Here, i wun wanna justify myself cos im afraid it may turn out worse. One thing for sure.......

im guilty

2005-02-08T06:56:00.000-08:00

I dun feel well 2dae....nt sure....argh, it's CNY eve n im nt feeling well. Really great day for nt feeling well....

Well dinner was juz steamboat, the ritualistic meal we have for reunion dinner.

Went back to phs 2dae. Saw a couple.....talked to some. Well, Mr Lau has grown alot fatter liao......n he's gt a tummy......hahaha! He still looked damn stress lah. Mebe bcos he is the acting HOD for humanities now......lolz!

The new batch of PHS pple looked weird to me. Probably bcos they r a more good boy n good gal batch.

Well the CNY float tt i spend loads n loads of time on gt vanalised. Well, it's a gd idea we cover the incident with an explanation tt it was due to the wind. Obviously it wasnt the wind rite? Haha......how could the wind tear apart the stuffs on our float. Well, the teachers accepted the explanation, we of cos dint win den......but the teachers dint tink too much, probably bcos they dun wan too much trouble too. I wun noe wat the year 1s wld tink if we cover up the matter.......

2005-02-01T08:01:00.000-08:00

I ended up......feeling that i've done wrong eh......

Leading a grp of pple is juz so difficult......let me emphasize that it's JUZ SO difficult. Mebe.....im one who wun make a gd leader bcos im always trying to please everyone. Im nt sure wadeva the reason, but i hate to haf pple to hate me. So i end up wasting time actually to please each n everyone im working with. I gt very tired, so tired of pleasing pple. So tired of having to let everyone haf their own way w/o having the project screwed up. Yet.....tt's me. I juz wanna please everyone around. That may oso be y i lyk to watch 12kingdoms......bcos the main character has the same character as me........always seeking approval from others. Always wanting to be the model example around. Wat am i?

Screwed up..........

2005-01-31T06:16:00.000-08:00

I dun tink im mentally stable these days.....it tend to speak to myself in the toilet.....scary rite?

Well i dunno how it came abt.....but i feel lyk talking to myself n actually closing up myself from everyone else recently. It's lyk....i love the toilet n the bathroom, where i can speak to myself. Okie, i sound lyk a real lunatic now......but of cos i dun tok to myself all the time. I tink abt problems n solutions to them when im alone. In fact when im alone when no one can see me, it's when i reflect abt what has recently happened to me n loads of other stuffs worth some food for thought. Strange eh? U may tink this is super duper anti-social.......but this is wat i usually need to gt thru' certain obstacles actually.

Nah......so tired...everyday reach home after 7 these days.........

2005-01-28T07:40:00.000-08:00

Wat a day 2dae........i almost stepped on a dried rat....yeah u gt it....a rat's carcass run over dried on the road. Rat is super huge.....about 40cm from head to tail. Den in the afternoon....spilt sprite ice all over......the entrails are lyk.....crushed till they're juz a mark on the road. Disgusting crossing! No blood though...tt's y i called it dried rat.

Some pple made me so disappointed and angry 2dae......if u feel guilty reading this entry......probably it's you....haha!

Im so tired.....*sobs*......wished it's all over.....wished everything can juz come to a halt.......*sobs*

Choir session is super malu....i dun wish to comment anymore. Im pretty embarrassed, *sobs again*

I hear the sound of the piano.......what do i hear actually the piano? Or is it someone expressing out his or her thoughts. Sometimes i dunno.......i dunno what i am listening to. The heart's cry, the mind's confusion, the perception of the world, even the perception of the surroundings. These viewpoints, translated to simple primitive musical notes, yet becomes the hardest way to comprehend. I dun noe wat im listening to..........

2005-01-25T07:21:00.000-08:00

Haha...tmr my sch gt cross-country. Someone asked me to be a medical personnel....which means i juz hafta stand at finishing line and slack.

Juz finished a proposal........wah......really pray jeremy will make do with it....but if any case he dun, means Ps Raymond will never. And that means i redo lah......shiok!

Really tired.....tmr still gt choir. Caught up wif a flu i tink. Running nose and sore throat. Probably too much sniffing of the industrial glue while doing the CNY Float project.

*Sniffs*Sniffs*Sniff*...........................

2005-01-23T06:55:00.000-08:00

Well....went to my 1st 3mths claz outing.....actually it's a farewell for somebody whom is gg for studies in melbourne.

Yah had a fun time....n guess wat? We sabo each other.......den dere's really wat u call the taupok game.....sadz for some...real sadz......dey were lured to a field in the condominium.....den kena taupok lyk siao.......actually it's kindof fun.....provided u r nt the one who gt taupoked. Haha.......an advice while playing taupok.....dun be the 1st to pound on tt fateful guy....u'll share his pain too.....

Somehow i tink i do miss them after all.....haha.....cos at least they were clazmates wif much of liveliness......

2005-01-20T06:43:00.000-08:00

Okie.....normal entry 2dae.

Woke up in the morning, after i brushed my teeth n wash my face, i went room to change. Saw the alarm clock n tot.....i'll probably b late. Me being me, continue lah.....style my hair pack my bag......yah anyway, since i changed my bag, i've been forgetting to bring things....serious. That's y when my mum scream at me to buy a new bag, i always resistant towards this idea. Anyway, hope i gt used to my bag.....it's been quite some time though.

Okie fine, sch is alrite 2dae.....shit......my NAPFA really sux.....thank God it's NAPFA prelims.....

Wah the J1s really enthu in tt CNY float project. They r so willing tt they even ask us if they can come back on saturday. Wah....okie lah.....anyway.....go to their worksite, do the routine stuffs of monitoring their progress, oh ya.....Yong En's OG too on liao lah. They really really come back day by day. And his sis too.....so nice of ehr to go buy ice-cream for all of us. Yah......doing sai-gang actually, testing the plaster.....felt guilty by making one of the J1s stir the plaster for an hour. ANyway......one of the J1 so gd....offered me a lift home........felt weird though.

2005-01-19T04:28:00.000-08:00

Finally found time to blog.....

I gotta noe some of the JC1s.......lolx......from particularly from my yong en's OG.....he's really a great OGL i guess cos his OG is damn knitted.......n very very sociable. Being sociable is one thing....they're so enthusiastic lah.....which makes me have fun wif them really alot....haha.

Thanx dot for the very very encouraging sms.......

Well....nt long.....i will be in NS....haha. In a way, im looking 4ward to it. This oso means i shld really tink how i shld enlarge my muscles......so tt i wun die or wat in the army.

2005-01-16T05:31:00.000-08:00

Well.......im gg back to sch officially tmr....after a week of MC....thank God things dint turn out badly at hm.

Well 2dae......i gotta noe my tuition loads better....at least we really werent strangers......though we're from same sch.

How many of u wld wish tt this yr wld go by quickly? Haha i wld.....obviously......anyone else?

I cant control my anger these days........i dunno y.....i wasnt lyk tt b4. I always had this feeling to shout back n stuffs. Nvr cld gt myself to do it though.....somehow these days, i tink i cld juz do it if i really gt my top blown.

Oh ya.....dere's this entry of my fren's fren........abt this issue called 'taupok' Very very interesting.....cos i had nvr heard of such JC tradition b4......haha. Discussed it wif dorothy....find it's totally strange...cos both of us had vnr heard this b4.

2005-01-12T08:07:00.000-08:00

It's been 3 days since i hvnt been to sch........rather long MC i've taken aye.....

To start off.......i did every bit of revision i cld.......so at least i dun hafta struggle so much wif last year's work.

Okie picturing sth in my mind is worth doing.....in times of boredom. Well......im nt sure actually....say i ask u to picture a beach. A beach comes to ur mind.....the wonderful thing abt our mind is tt.....they are "videos" nt pictures. Most of the time when u picture a beach......u actually recall sites where u have personally been or cld be....watched on television. To kill time, lemme describe sth that i picture........say a garden.

Well dere's this path, meandering in the middle of a lush, green garden. No, i dun c pots or anything. The paths is......made of red bricks. I can move........in that picture in my mind. The odd thing is.......dere r butterflies flying all over me. The thing is.....they look completely cartoon from far but as i walk n stare at them resting on the leaves.......a c a real-life butterfly instead......flapping its wings gently. The wings of this particular butterfly i stare into.......is of crimson in colour, the shape like flame....u noe those that occur in houses.....terrible flame. The butterfly looks harmless. No wait......a gate attracts my attention. The gate is........shiny, looks very well-polished. Im suddenly walking towards a really high marble wall. No, it's a prison i see........im all of a sudden in a prison! Watchtowers, i c them. Wait i shld stop......this gives me headache.

Yah....i cant understand.......wat's in mind.......a garden.....a high marble wall wif a shiny, polished gate in the centre.....and all of a sudden......im in a prison. No nt in the cell....but outside. Where there r high walls wif barbed wire on top to prevent prisoners from escaping. The watchtowers flashing.....as if someone is escaping....me? No way! Well they're juz wild imagination, so shld be alright.

2005-01-09T05:57:00.000-08:00

Yeah, im offically on a MC for the whole week starting from 2dae......for HFM!

Still wanna thank God for bringing me thru' these days.......it's really challenging, but nevertheless, God is always dere wif me.

Challenges in life r the obstacles that God placed. God nvr leave us stuck at those obstacles, He's always dere, like a dad coaching his son. Well, yes true, we dun need to learn how to row a boat, cos daddy can row the boat thru' the stormy seas. However, how will that ever make us a stronger, a better n more matured person? We dun improve, we gt stuck in our childish n immatured self. That's y.......daddy wants to bring us up. He's determined to do so.......after all....wat's the role a daddy plays.....parenting rite? That's y.......He pass the oars to us to learn boat rowing. We shldnt be afraid, cos daddy is still on the boat wif us.......he's speaking to us, step-by-step to row a boat thru' even rough weather conditions. When it gets too tough, when u feel u're nt moving away from the storm, that's bcos u're no longer rowing it in the first place. Daddy has taken the oars n rowed the boat, at climax of the storm. God, is that daddy of ours....that daddy who sees us thru' the greatest storm of our lives.

2005-01-08T06:40:00.000-08:00

Okie.....im really worried right now.....i tink i've caught HFM (Hand, Foot and Mouth disease).
The ulcers r rather irritating....n there seems to be tonnes of them in my mouth. The foot sores r worse......dunno if i shld go c the doctor....i shld, but when?

If i really had HFM rite.....2dae....i went to the merit bursary award thingy......n i shook hands wif the MP....cool! Oh ya....btw.....HFM is contagious thru' handshakes.

Im quite tired rite now....dunno y....but my dad is watching TV in my room.....argh!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, Raymond shared alot abt even treasuring people around us, n our life. Tink that we as Singaporeans r too complacent. Besides, everything oso wanna complain lah........God has really blessed our country, n yet most of us complain. We dunno that......if the tsunami reach us, den Singapore can be rubbed off the list of existing countries. We're really so damn vulnerable. Thru' this incident....i realise tt mebe i haf always tink tt ther'll always be tmr........but a qns to ask......how sure r u tt there's a tmr?